Haunted by Waters

For starters, and if you have not, please consider reading "A River Runs Through It" by Norman Maclean.  Its a short novella that you can enjoy in a few hours or so, and reflect upon for long after.  And if you have not read it yet (or seen the film), you might want to skip the rest of this blog entry!  (something of a spoiler at the end... but my other entries are okay!)

So... that behind us.  I was thinking more about grace.  And beautiful writing.  And I found myself reflecting again upon "A River Runs Through  It".  I first read this moving story in college, and it set before me the concept of grace in an understandable and human form, and it presented the Trinity also on an enduring human level.  We can attain grace, or find it before us, in our everyday lives… just as the Trinity surrounds us, if only we can muster our eyes to see it.  But as imperfect beings, we ultimately fail to achieve grace, or we quickly fall from it, or we fail to even witness it’s display so brightly cast before us.

"Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world’s great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.

I am haunted by waters."

Norman Maclean

Grace

I was thinking about grace, and was looking for a simple, over-the-counter cure for chronic selfishness.  I found some quotes from Mother Teresa.  

"Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.”

"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop."

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."

"I try to give to the poor people for love what the rich could get for money. No, I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds; yet I willingly cure him for the love of God."

"One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody."

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, People may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, They may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway."


Kevin

Two years ago my high school pal Kevin died alone of organ failure at the age of 49.  Kevin's passing set-off a tumultuous period in my life, overflowing with professional and personal changes.  Somehow, the moment I heard that Kevin died, I knew it would be a turning point for me.  Like coming upon a sudden and unexpected channel marker at which I knew I would turn, but with no understanding of how unsure and difficult a journey I was veering toward.    

Anyway, although not to the day, I am thinking of Kevin two years later.  I miss him, and the simpler and happy days we shared together so many years ago.

Personal investment

So I was thinking about personal investments.  Not monetary mind you, but investments we make in other people.  Like the investment spouses have made in each other -- .monogamy, fidelity (not the same thing), bearing children, time (years...), raising children, cooking meals, developing common tastes, accepting in-laws, providing a home, an income, sharing a bedroom,... all these things.  

Or the investment friends make in each other.  Not as deep of investments maybe, but still investments -- trust, contact, empathy, lending an ear or a shoulder, a joke, favors, time (again), maybe something borrowed, or maybe just a shared drink or dessert. 

All these things are investments we make, and I think we expect -- need? --  to yield a return.  Every good friend has made an investment me, and me in them.  So, we owe each other something, right? At least an even return... So the same things... caring, the lending of an ear or a shoulder, fidelity (again), "having my back", wanting to make each other laugh.  The same things.

And how empty (angry? foolish?) we feel when the return of a personal investment goes south -- especially when to zero.   Or how a relationship or friendship can get bogged down if one feels that their investment isn't yielding an even return -- isn't deserving of a return!  That has to be big part of the hurt when relationships go wrong.  "I invested in you.... and what did I get out of it?"   You weren't there for me?  You cheated on me?? You lied to me?  I didn't invest in that!  (And what else could I -- should I -- have invested in?  The time I gave you is gone.)

But fine.  So then... is love an investment?  Or is it a gift?  Better yet, an unconditional gift??  Because if love is an unconditional gift, then it doesn't ask for, or need, a return...

All these things (and right and wrong too...).  Needed a space to write.  Hope this is it.